Stamped: October 1st, 2007 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: birthdays suck, bullshit fortune cookies, complaint dept., confucius my ass, cry for help, food, Fuel For Life, just plain stupid, mail order brides, rant.
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Oh man—this is such a funny coincidence that I can hardly wrap my sex-filled little brain around it!
So, in the days leading up to my birthday I begin to have some anxiety about the age thing. Add that to the fact that I have been horny as all hell lately and you’ve got a girl in need of a fix. Though turning to a fine, powdery white substance–like Britney Spears–would probably give me the skinny body I crave, (she didn’t look that fat at the VMA’s!) I opted for something more wholesome—cupcakes and Chinese food.
This is a huge deal as I haven’t had Chinese food since that faithful day back in…well… I don’t know what month; when I found out that the love of my life had just gotten himself a Chinese mail-order bride of sorts. That news came just as the delivery guy rang from downstairs with my Chinese food. But that’s not the point.
Anyhow, I eat the meal as I watch YouPorn to try and fight off the reality that said love preferred some stranger to adorable and incredibly-great-with-my-lips me. I get to the end of the meal, waddle over to the kitchen and reach for a fortune cookie which I cling to as if my destiny really depends on it. (Note that by now my 2 glasses of wine have already begun to kick in) My hands tremble as I crack the cookie open—almost gagging cuz’ I’m so fucking full. I pull out the little paper and expect some wise insight from Confucius and find that my fortune reads:
"Chinese food is your fuel for life"
I shit you not!
Chinese food? That's what will nourish my soul?? Not "love" or "kindness" or even "passion"???
This is just as funny as it is pathetic. Funny because I just got shit from a reader last week who got all cunty about my Fuel For Life blogs and pathetic because according to Confucius; my destiny holds nothing more than some greasy take out and quite possibly another cranky email from that reader for mentioning Fuel For Life again.
** Just as soon as I figure out how to upload pics off my new camera; I will post a pic of the fortune just so you can all see it for yourselves!!
PS - Thank you all for the b-day wishes! Muuuuwaaaah!
Last 5 posts by Adrie
Confucius Says…
Mine once said…”You love Chinese food”!
Like, NO KIDDING!!
Seems to me the fortune cookie company is running ads for chinease food now. Makes sense though since that is the only time you will get a fortune cookie.