Stamped: January 7th, 2008 | Toggle Similar
Tagged: casual sex, complaint dept., condoms, confession of the week, google, just plain stupid, life lessons, safe sex, sex talk, sex with married men.

Just when you thought it was safe to go it without a condom you catch the bastard in the biggest lie possible! Let’s just say that the 'sexy prof' I've been bangin' is really just an illusion and the reality is that he’s a dad—a spineless, despicable one who lies about having a child at all! He is also quite possibly a husband to some poor, unsuspecting wife who isn’t internet savvy enough to catch him in his lies (Google is a wonderful and powerful thing!!) or she could be just as sick as he is and be just fine being in a loveless marriage filled with adultery, deceit and God knows what else.

In the heat of the moment and considering that we’ve had several; I actually toyed with the idea of some bareback fun. Luckily he took the high road for a change and reminded me why that was a bad idea, stating 'unwanted pregnancy' as the worst case scenario when really the worst case would involve some nasty funk—only he knows what is likely lurking beneath the surface of his foreskin and whatever that may be; I certainly don’t want it!

Now that I am done ranting I guess I’m glad that it happened because it’s made me remember the importance of condoms no matter how long you’ve been involved with someone because sadly, you really just never know what they could be hiding from you. My momentary lapse in judgement could have left me a number of horrific little diseases! This of course got the wheels turning on the whole issue of safe sex and what a drag it may seem when you are in the throws of passion and not even with that person inside of you do they feel close enough, so I am on the quest to find the best condom(s) possible. My search led me to a place called Condom Jungle. I can’t help it; the name got me with its visions of some crazy-ass monkey-lovin’ and all. I never actually thought to order condoms online which is odd since I still get pink-faced at the thought of buying them after an incident I in Europe a few years back that left me traumatized! Let's just say that the grocery store had microphones at each checkout station in case the cashier needed a price check. Naturally the "Playboy brand, super-ribbed condoms" weren't priced properly… Nuff' said.

Anyway, this site carries an endless amount of condom brands, styles, flavors, so how’s a girl to choose?? I have to be honest; I have only ever once actually bought a box of condoms since that faithful European vacation and they are my back up in case the guy doesn’t come prepared, though technically my motto is: if the guy doesn’t come prepared, then he doesn’t deserve to come at all.

Anyway, the site has so much variety that I actually feel inept as an alleged modern/sex-positive woman and so-called sex writer! Did you know that they have ‘warming condoms’?! Is this a new thing?? And lambskin condoms? Wtf?? I also found out that they really do come in larger sizes for those of us lucky to have a guy who is hung like a mule, though past experience tells me that most men who believe they need an extra large condom can usually barely fill the regular size no-name variety found in truck stop or strip joint restrooms. (Yes J, that one’s for you!)

Anyway, what normally has ended up happening is that I never really get to see the brand that is being used due to the hazy and often euphoric state that good sex leaves one in, so I really don’t know much about brands except what they say on the box though, I doubt that they all “double your pleasure” or “feel like they’re barely there”. So what I would like is some suggestions from my readers who are more condom savvy than I to email (Adrie@girlspoke.com) or leave a comment telling me what brand you swear by and why. I may even make it worth your while with a sexy giveaway to a random commenter–likely a cool sex toy)

Consider this my safe sex public service announcement as well as advice on where to order cheap condoms. In return I ask for your help on finding the best and thinnest condom ever, cuz as we know; nothing kills the mood more than a thick condom that seems to pull at your skin with each thrust! Fucken ouch!!!

Last 5 posts by Adrie

• To Fuck Like A Man - January 17th, 2008
• Lying To The Girl You Fuck. Fa la la la la - December 21st, 2007
• Piss Off! - December 6th, 2007
• Kiss Me I'm A "Stewardess" - November 5th, 2007
• OK, She Fainted. Can We Move On Yet?? - October 26th, 2007