It’s that time of year again when single people all band together to bitch and moan about this mushy, hallmark forced, fuck you if you’re not in a relationship holiday we call Valentine’s Day. Just to set the record straight this holiday is no picnic for us couples [...]

I am aware that you are all busy, busy people and certainly have no time to spend on attempting new found heights of orgasmic bliss with some foreign motorized object between your legs unless someone you all love and trust has given you the go ahead. Thus I have [...]

They say you haven’t truly lived until you’ve broken a bone in your body. Ok, they don’t say that, but they should. For the first time in my life I find myself gimping along in pain due to a badly sprained ankle (the “badly” is added by [...]

As you may recall from my previous tales of international bikini waxing, I had been reticent to put my pussy in the care of an English stranger. An impromptu trip to Los Angeles quickly saw me getting over my fears and with my legs spread eagle on the [...]

World Cup mania is now in full force over here in Europe. Cars are covered in England flags, cheesy football* songs play on the radio, and every man, woman and child is walking around with a glint in their eye and knots in their stomach. After witnessing [...]

Springtime is making Betty a horny little bunny. While my boyfriend is reaping all the benefits of my spring lust so is every other guy (and let’s face it - hot girl) that comes across my path. One of the grey haired old bosses at my work winked [...]

I don’t drive. I guess I technically know how to drive since some sicko made up a law that you can’t get your high school diploma without passing driver’s ED. But I never actually got my licence. I have a bit of a “phobia” if you will [...]

It takes me at least a year living in a new country before I go in for a bikini wax. Once you get used to a familiar gentle touch by your regular waxist, it is quite daunting to blindly leave your nether regions in the hands of yet another [...]

Occasionally I feel the big green monster sneaking up on me when I hear some of the single Girlspokers discuss their hot new dates for the weekend or the anonymous sex they had the other night. Although I am very satisfied and happy with my boyfriend (we’re coming [...]

Now I know it’s been said here before, but I’ll say it again; Goddamn you daylight saving! A curse on you and your bleak mole eyed loved ones. All dark and no sun make Betty a right Bitch. I can just about hear the feeble cries [...]

In my crumpled, low-cut little black dress, I lay down in my bed of pristine white, white comforter, white sheets, white walls, with my perfect white ear buds attached to my shiny white iPod. I am the only thing dark and twisted in this room. Sounds of some [...]

It’s been over 4 months that I have been living in England and the place is slowly growing on me. Before I ever set foot on this fair island, I had a preconceived notion of the English as a bunch of cold sickly faces peering out of the [...]

Here are some of the most common conversations I had at my now defunct temp job. Me: Thank you for calling blah blah, I’ll just be taking a few details…blah blah Caller: Wait. Are you a real person or am I talking to a machine? Me: I’m a real [...]

My vibrator died. But I’ve been reluctant to purchase a new one for nostalgic reasons. This vibrator was my first. Given to me by a college roommate for Christmas, she is sleek and tiger striped and well loved (the vibrator, not the ex-college roommate, not that I didn’t [...]

As his hand slid under the covers to firmly rest on my bountiful bottom, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “You don’t go to the gym anymore”. Wait…what? Are you actually asking me why I’ve stopped working out on a regular basis while your hand is enjoying [...]

I love being an ex-pat. I am everyone’s excuse to take a little European vacation and visit their “weird half-French socialist friend who lives in England”. Even when I’m unemployed, I can still say I’m an ex-pat. Oh what do you do? I’m a professional ex-pat. 24 hours [...]

There are two loves in my life. Two “obsessions” if you will. Two perfectly designed elements found on this planet Earth of ours that make me squirm with happiness: Any reality TV show that contains an audition montage and Tuna. My idea of a perfect evening is [...]